I have a brain that doesn't shut off. I have racing thoughts, hyperactivity, times when I talk excessively, withdrawal at times, and severe distractability.
While in Kindergarten I could already read, count to 100 and higher, etc. During first and second grade I could read chapter books, look things up in an encyclopedia or dictionary, identify wild plants (the teacher had taught us lots about that), write stories, and recite the 50 states of the USA, their capitals, locate them on a map as well as many countries, and name all the presidents from George Washington to Ronald Reagan. I went to a Christian school so I learned the Beautitudes, Ten Commandments (word for word), and the 23rd Psalm.
Yet during those years I cried easily, was often withdrawn, had lots of anxiety, and I rarely smiled. I was the target of many bullies.
In high school I had nearly all As and Bs, I got a few Cs and only one D- just before graduation. I just never tried very hard and still made the National Honor Society. I also had 6 college classes completed.
In college I goofed off. I graduated, but I feel that I could have done better. I should have also majored in something better than what I did. I want to go to graduate school, but I would need better grades.
I really regret my procrastination and underachievement.
One main problem I have is my constant need for stimulation. I am always rocking back and forth, on my bed at night or during the day. I like sitting in a rocking chair. That's how autistic people act. I wasted so much time in college just rocking and listenitng to music when I could have been studying. I had no control over it. I feel so weird and won't talk to people about it.
I have been fired twice. The last time was in South Korea where I taught English. I had a hard time understanding what I was supposed to do at first. I had some episodes of high confusion. I also couldn't concentrate or be organized easily. I felt that I was losing it.
I want to go back to college, get better grades this time (my GPA is 3.0, but graduate schools like 3.3+), and stop my constant rocking and procrastination.
I do wonder if I have ADHD or not. I also have heard that ADHD is sometimes considered to be part of the autism spectrum. Stimming is autistic behavior.